Attorney !!!!!!!!!!?
These are from a book called “Disorder in the American Courts”, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh…. I was gettin’ laid!
_________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Tagged with: Attorney
Filed under: Deluxe Attorney FAQ
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good one…..excellent
very funny ….. loved it …..gave me a good laugh
…..good job…..keep up the good ones
:L:L:L LOL, so funny! God, that Attorney is a right Eejit!
Ha ha, So you had 3 kids, none were boys, Any girls??
Can i buy this book on amazon?
good ones..I had heard some of the others, I think this is my fave:
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHA. unbelievable xD
what do u want me to say
how did they finished their law studies so stupid with their questioning?
i have never read such a big posting but enjoyed every bit if it…
I think I posted this before, but it’s hilarious. Lol!
lol
Lawyers for Roman Polanski say the director should be sentenced in absentia to time served and are accusing the district attorney of playing politics with the case.
The comments came in a legal brief filed Tuesday in which attorneys urged a full hearing with witnesses testifying on allegations of official misconduct in the handling of Polanski’s 32-year-old sex case. They accused prosecutors of misleading the Los Angeles court as well as Swiss authorities weighing whether to extradite Polanski to the United States.
A hearing is scheduled for Friday to determine if Polanski can be sentenced in absentia while he is under house arrest in Gstaad, Switzerland.
Polanski pleaded guilty to having sex with a 13-year-old girl and fled in 1978.
She should visit the Clerk of Courts at her county courthouse. They can help guide her, and may have the forms she needs, or a link to them. She can also find what she needs at the web site Legalzoom.com.
The top federal prosecutor for New Orleans removed himself on Monday from the case of four conservative activists arrested last week while trying to capture hidden camera footage in a senator’s office.
Attorney General Andrew Cuomo asks children's social networking sites to …: The state Department of Criminal Jus…
First report: Brother of Israeli Oscar candidate’s co-director arrested on suspicion of assaulting police officers south of Tel Aviv; Tony Copti, who had small part in award-winning film, a ‘normative person’ attorney says
Hey, listen, I am a police officer and I am disgusted with what happened in this courtroom. The nerve of that deputy to go into the files of the defense attorney and remove that document. If I were the judge, I would have stopped all the proceeding until I got some straight answers from those two deputies.
Public Roads, Highways and Internal Improvements, System of levees, drains, and ditches and irrigation, Acceptance of lands granted or reserved for highway, Acceptance of lands granted or reserved for highway.
in this economy a lot more people than this are getting fired. How many people have gotten fired due to Obama? Do you think he will be investigated?
LOL
Your are dumb as fuck. No wonder your a dumb nigger saying white skin people is a curse. Tell me this you dumb fuck NIGGER, why in the hell has most of our human history been ruled by the whites? Is it because we are dumber than the fuckhead savages that do rain dances and live in tribes. No i do not think so. I suggest you get an education and stop wanting your handout you fucking lame ass NIGGER. Why not become a terrorist like that underwear nigger from Nigeria?
I would caution you on writing such a letter. not only is the Attorney allowed, under the Work Product doctrine to retain some files, He is also allowed under law to retain all of your information until any outstanding bill has been satisfied.
As an attorney, I suggest the following:
Dear ______;
This letter is to inform you that as of [date] I will no longer be requiring your services. As of the above date, if there are outstanding balances owed for the services you have rendered, I would appreciate you forwarding such to me in a timely manner so that I can dispose of this matter.
Upon satisfying any aforementioned outstanding balances I would expect that you will make arrangments for me to receive any work product produced by you or your firm on my behalf.
Thank you for your services and I look for a timely response.
With Regards,
[your name]
Send it certified (RRR) and if the attorney sends you a final bill pay it. Otherwise, until it is paid, you have no right to the products produced on your behalf.
NY: Rasmussen poll shows Attorney General Andrew Cuomo (D) leading Rick Lazio (R), 55% to 30% in the 2010 gubernatorial election.
People Who Need a Lawyer Can Conduct an Online Attorney Search
: La Quinta Bicycle Accident Attorney?s Top Ten Worst Ways to be Treated After a Bicycle Accident
just play justice for all…it’s the part two of ace attorney pw
@kjohar25
A doctor traveling by car along a country road collides with an attorney who happens to be driving in the opposite direction.
Palm Beach attorney David J. Joffe is a highly rated fraud defense lawyer who defends clients in federal and state court in Palm Beach, Palm Beach Gardens, Lake Worth, Jupiter, Boynton Beach, Wellington, Florida and surrounding area.
Sure thing, will be online the rest of the night.
Wondering about arizona attorney dui? Visit
“Amnesty International is calling on Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah to stop the execution of a Lebanese man sentenced to death for “sorcery.”
In a statement released Thursday, the international rights group condemned the verdict and demanded the immediate release of Ali Hussain Sibat, former host of a popular call-in show that aired on Sheherazade, a Beirut based satellite TV channel.
According to his lawyer, Sibat, who is 48 and has five children, would predict the future on his show and give out advice to his audience.
The attorney, May El Khansa, who is in Lebanon, tells CNN her client was arrested by Saudi Arabia’s religious police (known as the Mutawa’een) and charged with sorcery while visiting the country in May 2008. Sibat was in Saudi Arabia to perform the Islamic religious pilgrimage known as Umra.”
If you think it's unethical DON'T DO IT!!!!!!
Don't Do It.
Don't Do It.
If it's such a great idea he would be doing it. Don't jeopardize your license.
You didn't say what the settlement was for, so there's one possibility I'm going to mention. If this was for personal injuries, you may have had some medical bills that were to be paid from the settlement, and that's why you didn't get paid.
It having been years is a problem. You need to stop screwing around and take action.
Call the state Bar association and find out how to get a complaint filed immediately.
The problem with the lien is that you haven't established with a court that the attorney actually owes you anything. You can't just file a lien, you have to follow it up with a lawsuit.
If it's been years, you may be barred by the statute of limitations from going to court, but if the Bar wants to hear the complaint, they will, no matter how long its been.
Learn about living wills, powers of attorney on Decisio… -